Twilihate.

So, I went to see the newest entry in the unintelligible Twilight series. Why? I'm not sure. Apparently I hate myself.

Bella (who still has only one facial expression) and Edward (the sparkly one) are getting married. Her parents are THRILLED with the idea.

Apparently, no parents in Stephanie Meyer's inane, messed up universe thinks it weird that an 18 year old girl is marrying a dead dude, and eventually turning into one. It's cool.

NOT COOL.

After finding out they're getting married, the wolf dude is pissed off about their love so he runs into the woods and stays there doing things for a while. No one cares.

At one point, Jacob and Edward argue with each other about how 'what happens on the honeymoon' might kill Bella. SHE IS STANDING RIGHT THE HELL THERE. Two overbearing stalkery dudes arguing about hypothetical futuresex? That my friends, is ROMANCE.

I've always wondered (no I haven't) where a vampire would go his honeymoon. Well, question: answered! Obviously somewhere where he can show off his true sparkle. Why not the sunniest place ever? RIO.

This is when things get messed up.

Bella ends up with bruises from her new hubby after their first night together because he's like, totally so strong? Edward apologizes for giving them to her, followed by HER apologizing for being so weak to incur them.

Yeah. I'll let you figure out what's wrong with that.

Edward then no longer apparently wants to touch her. So she has to chase after him like Pepe le Pew chasing after his cat, but less fun. Yep, a few days after getting married they're already bored of each other, now Stephanie Meyer and Kim Kardashian have something in common.

My theory is that Edward just realized some things about himself. It's cool, man. We all knew.

When Edward finally decides to touch her again, Bella gets insta-preggers. This is followed by Edward wondering 'how can this happen?!', freaking out and brooding more. Someone apparently had time to do everything during his life but learn where babies come from.

Then, a demon baby ends up eating Bella from the inside. This was the only character I could relate to, as I understood her motivations, and we both wanted the same thing.

Yes, while there's a seizure inducing scene where Edward performs a c-section with his fangs, my favourite part came right at the end when Jacob "imprints" (falls in love) with the baby.

A GROWN MAN, FALLS IN LOVE WITH A NEWBORN BABY. LEGITIMATE, I WILL MARRY YOU (hopefully when it's actually legal) LOVE.
EVERYONE IS OK WITH THIS.

I miss the days of real vampires. And actual characters like Buffy, who you know, DID things instead of just...sitting around waiting to be told what to do. Hopefully this doesn't influence what girls growing up today think of what dudes should be like.

Also, all I could think of for the entirety of the time that the wolf dudes were on screen was this:

I had a couple of thoughts while watching the film as well, much to the chagrin of the twitards sitting around me.

Screw Stephanie Meyer and this series. I'm done.

The Social Network

I was lucky enough to go check out a pre-screening of David Fincher's film, "The Social Network" which is more commonly known as "The Facebook Movie". Fincher has previously directed Se7en, Benjamin Button & Zodiac. The film is written by Aaron Sorkin (A Few Good Men, The West Wing).

The film was so preventative on piracy that they took our cellphones. To say the least, I felt somewhat uneasy about this, some might even say naked, but it was essentially akin to a coat check. We got them back without a hitch.

I'm usually more on the skeptical side of films. Especially ones based on seemingly plain subject matter, such as websites. The entire idea on the whole sounded preposterous to begin with. Let's just say that by the end of the film, I was left chewing on the remnants of my words.

There's something to be said for the fact that I've been experiencing a barrage of films as of late due to the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) and this was an absolute stand out film that wasn't even part of the competition.

The performance delivered by Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland, Zombieland) was extremely, extremely top notch. Up until this point, I'd considered him the 'poor man's Michael Cera'; as in, when Cera was unavailable, Eisenberg stepped in. Sometimes being unable to tell them apart in trailers.

Apparently I'm not the only one that has this problem. This is a picture caption from the Toronto Star from a couple weeks back. Notice anything ... odd? (hint: read the caption)

Yet, Jesse Eisnberg's choices of films to take definitely led me to believe that he could expand his acting scope, so I was on the lookout for something that would let him expand/explore a single character. His portrayal of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is really something to watch unfold.

It was refreshing seeing a well directed, well written, well paced film with great acting and above all, have it be incredibly entertaining as well. It also helps that we all walked out of the theater feeling like a million dollars.

But you know, as one of the characters in the film says, a million dollars isn't cool, a billion dollars is.

Aim high.

R.

TIFF10:Anticipation & Excitement

If you know me, you know that I love watching films, in theaters or at home. So, this is a particularly exciting time of year in Toronto for film lovers as the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) is taking place. This is the second year that I'm partially attending TIFF. Last year I did a grand total of 3 films (Waking Sleeping Beauty, Micmacs & Up In The Air) and vowed to do more this year.

Sometime in August, I decided I should look into buying ticket packages. I had a list of must-see films and was looking through all the other films playing as well. I decided I would get the 25-30 film package.

As I clicked 'buy tickets' - an evil red screen of doom quashing my dreams to get the most out of the festival appeared. The packages were sold out.

Stunned, I read it over and over and vowed not to miss the day single tickets went on sale. I went through whatever measures I needed to.

The morning of the ticket sales, I woke up to my alarm and immediately hopped on my computer to buy the tickets I wanted.

The system was overloaded, making it akin to choosing electives in college. Sitting there I refreshed the page again, and again, and again...

...and again and again, and again, until I was about to abandon all hope, until finally...

SUCCESS! I ended up getting my top four film picks:

1) Sylvain Chomet's The Illusionist

2) Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan

3) Werner Herzog's Cave of Forgotten Dreams

4) Takashi Miike's 13 Assassins

and thanks to the generosity and awesomeness of two fantastic friends...

5) Danny Boyle's 127 Hours

6) Wuershan's The Butcher, The Chef & The Swordsman

I also plan on seeing Ben Affleck's "The Town" and saw Anton Corbijn's "The American" last week. Reviews coming for ALL of them.

This is going to be a busy little blog for the next little while!! Come back soon!

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World vs. Deep

On Friday, I went to see a film I'd been anticipating and extremely excited about since it was announced - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. I've been an enormous fan of the books, I re-read the series in it's entirety every month or two, so it's safe to say I had a bit of trouble concentrating during the work day.

A bunch of us had organized going to see SPvTW after work on Friday, so I headed there straight after work. When I got to the theater with 30 of my closest friends and some family, the anticipation hit it's peak. I begged the spirit of Hollywood to not disappoint and live up to what I'd imagined.

Even though I already knew that there was much to differentiate between the film and the books (which again, I'm an enormous fan of) the nerd in me began to immediately compare scenes and events with the book. But then, I quickly realized that comparing the two was trivial, especially since Brian Lee O'Malley helped collaborate on the screenplay.

The humor, filmmaking technique and action scenes were what really stood out for me...the more I watched, the happier, more entertained and visually astounded I became until...

BAM! I was kicked in the freaking face by pure, unadulterated AWESOME.

Edgar Wright, Michael Bacall and Brian Lee O'Malley (along with everyone else involved) have created a brilliant film that speaks true to it's subject matter, while retaining it's own voice. I'm really glad Universal allowed this film to be made and for Edgar Wright to see his vision through.

I'm totally going to see it again.

R.

PS. The soundtrack seriously kicks ass. Buy it here

Twilight.

So, last week I was convinced/tricked into going to see Twilight because of my friend's unhealthy obsession with werewolves. I thankfully, didn't pay for the atrociousness that was about to be put before me.

Although, my friends have figured out ways to trick me into doing things.

As I turned the corner, I saw a line up that put a 1999 Britney Spears/Spice Girls crossover concert to shame.

Waiting in line was an ordeal that my friends and I were not very appreciative of. There was a lot of squealing coming from the various Twitards*.

*Twitards: Fans of Twilight, obsessive and usually under the age of 16

I had somehow managed to bypass the Twilight phenomena from the last movie and the books, so I went into this one knowing nothing.

That's right, in the magical world of Twilight, not only can vampires GO OUTSIDE DURING DAYLIGHT (because they live in 'the cloudiest city in the states' called FORKS) but instead of BURNING TO DEATH INSTANTLY, the Twilight vampires SPARKLE. That's all.

They sparkle, you guys.

There was a moment in the "film" where the head vampire douche, Edward Cullen was asked by a teacher to repeat a passage of "iambic pentameter" from Romeo & Juliet, as the camera slowly trucked in on him looking distraught and slightly off to the side trying to act badass, I gazed out into the audience, and saw girls swooning, smiling and clutching their jackets as if they'd just seen the most wonderful display of romance ever put on screen.

Makes you wonder, if you had lived hundreds of years, were immortal, and could basically do anything, would going back to HIGH SCHOOL really be at the top of the priority list?

Girls apparently think stalking is sexy, as in this scene when Edward shows up in Bella's room while she's at school and just sort of ...stands there gazing at her things. Nope, not creepy AT ALL.

Then came the stupid werewolf boy. Every chance he got, it was off with the shirt. He also wore jean cutoffs...reminded me of Tobias from Arrested Development.

Edward would do anything to protect his beloved, especially knocking her around every chance he got.

Edward then decides to leave Bella forever because he loves her or something. To which Bella shows just about as much emotion as she would to a piece of toast coming out of a toaster. Edward then leaves her stranded in the woods to fend for herself during rumoured werewolf attacks (because he loves her). Swoon.
The movie ends at some point thereafter, it's kind of a blur.

"The many faces of Robert Pattinson, Professional Knob." or "Acting with Eyebrows"

"Look Girls!! Now you can buy Twilight inspired makeup and read about how to 'snag your Edward'!" (pictures taken at a local pharmacy)

Never have I seen a movie where the lead actors, supposedly real-life lovers (which I'm sure was the brainchild of a brilliant publicist) have so little chemistry and barely even tried moving their mouths to talk. Perhaps it's because there isn't enough teen angst in me, perhaps it's because I'm slightly upset at the complete vampire overhaul that Stephenie Meyer has done, or even how they managed to make even werewolves slightly uncool (I say slightly, because let's face it, werewolves are pretty awesome); but this movie set a new standard in terrible - it went from being bad, to hilarious back around to being bad again, to me wanting to gouge my eyes out. Here's the best review I've ever read of it told entirely through LOLcats (thanks, Lissa) Also, here's why Breaking Dawn must be made into a movie (warning: profanity and major offensiveness.)

In short, I can't wait for the next one - apparently it will have 50% more sparkles. Maybe Joss Whedon will direct it :)

Team Werewolf (is that a thing?) all the way.
R.